Worst Burnout So Far.
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Posted by Marie on 00:49:04 2008/04/22
Tonight my optimistic, happy, "Mr. Brightside" son hit a brick wall.
He's 14 and he's been a diabetic for about 5 years. He has a cold (which drove up his BG and made him nauseated) then his set went bad (which drove up his BG higher). When he went to change his set before bed, something inside of him snapped.
For an hour he refused to put in another set (ever). He threw his pump and said he was done with it. "I'm not going to hurt myself one more time to live!"
I told him fine. That he could go back to shots, but that he'd have to see an endocrinologist for the 'scripts. He had a fit at that. "NO! I'm not perfect! I'M NOT GOING."
I told him that it was 10 o'clock at night and that there was nothing we could do about any of this at this moment. That he had to put in the set and that we'd find a solution in the morning.
*That* went over like a lead balloon.
Finally I shut up, stopped trying to manage the moment and let him have it out.
He said that there's no hope, that this disease was going to eat up his life and that he may as well just shoot himself in the head right now and be done with it.
He said many other things, but that was the main point of his tearful rant. That there's no hope. "How many years have they been looking for a cure? That's what you parents hang on to, but you're wrong! There's never going to be a cure! This disease is going to eat my body until it kills me. *That* is what my future holds!"
I've never seen him so angry, so hopeless, so... fed up.
For almost an hour I let him tell off the world. He said that he *really* wanted someone to blame. Someone to hate for this. That he needed to hate for this.
G-d, I feel like I'm bleeding. In the end, I still had to make him put in that damned set.
Then I let him bawl. And I stroked his face and reassured him that he just hit a low point, that this was normal and that he'd get through it. I told him that he wasn't alone, that I'd help him.
He's sleeping now, but I know that it's not over. He's having severe burnout. The first of many, I'm sure.
NO. Shots are not the problem. NO. Finger sticks are not the problem.
The fact that a diabetic can't eat a friggin' apple without stressing about it is the problem. The fact that every type 1 diabetic knows that they are one hour from death at any given moment is the problem. The fact that no type 1 diabetic knows they are going to wake up when they go to sleep at night is the problem.
I hate this disease so much right now. That it can take the single most optimistic, positive individual I've ever known and reduce him to... hopelessness... this is pure evil.
Please people. Tell me that we're getting close.
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